Littles Knowledge more to learn

I started read this book about 5 days ago, it has been very helpful to me. The title of the book is The Book for Littles: Tips & Tricks By Penny Barber

The reason that I wanted to read this book is because I do not have a full understanding about being a Little.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                I have been to a couple of Little events and I have felt a little out of place. I do not wear clothes that are considered as Little wear.  I like wearing my everyday clothes, I may add some colored socks or some fun prints on my underwear but that is it. I don’t do baby talk or speak in the third person. Iam not into wearing diapers, onesies, bibs or have a pacifier.  That is not me, yes at times I can and do throw a temper tantrum that is me being a little bratty because I feel like I am being neglected by my Sir/Daddy. I know that is not a good way to get the attention that I am looking for. I know that it will get me punished but that is the beginning of a process for me. I will take the spanking or being put in time out. Because after the punishment I will be ready to talk about what I need and want. 

In the book there is a series of questions under each subtitle. Those questions will make you think about your sub side as well as your Little side. For instance some of the sub titles are ,  who is your little self?  Each section has a title like behavior, label, personality, regression. There are about 3 or more questions following section. So far I have been reading and answering the questions. I know that I might put my answers on my blog. For now I will finish reading and answering the questions. Cheers to learning more about Littles and Middles. 

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Spanking and Flogging

This past weekend I went to my favorite play party. I had a wonderful time but it made me do some thinking. One of the events at the party was called the Puppy Pile. The purpose of the puppy pile is to pass out birthday licks but the subs are the one’s taking the licks.

The rules are as followed.

1. All of the sub are to lay face down in the center of the room.

2. All of the Tops are to make a circle around the subs.

3. The only toy to be used were floggers, no dragon tails, no whips or canes. You can not switch toys once it starts. The host or hostess makes the time limit.

4. If the Top or sub reach their limit and get out of the pile you cannot return.

We started out with five subs and about ten Tops. By the time the hostess said stop there were only three of us left. I was one of the three.  I was very happy that I made it to the end… 🙂

It got me thinking about how I felt about being flogged or being spanked. I know that some people do not think that there is much of a difference, you are getting hit with an item both ways. Some people will say that being flogged is just as intimate as being spanked. But to tell the truth being spanked is very personal for me. If I am in some type of relationship with a person such as DD/lg or play partners, there is a big difference to me. If my Daddy wants to flog me then that is for Him. Yes, I will get something out of the flogging. One I am pleasing  Him. Two I will get to fly. With both of those covered I will be happy because He has release some stress and made me fly, to me that is a win. 

I know that what I am about to say some people will not like but here I go. If I have asked one of my friends to be my Play partner of a scene of flogging it is all about me. I am being selfish for two reasons. 1. I have not played in a while and I want to stop myself from go into a frenzy.  2. I am looking for a sensual flogging or a thuddy flogging. Most of the time there is one woman who I know that can do both.  She will ask me which one I am in need of, once we have gotten that out-of-the-way. The scene will start.

Spanking:

I have learned that to me being spanked is very intimate. I have been asked to go spanking parties but I cannot do it. I have been in relationships where spanking were used in two ways : 1. As punishment 2. To reinforce intimacy

For me it worked because it was a way to be close and to correct my behavior. The Sir I , was always busy with work or taking care of his extended family, so to made our time together very limited. We would talk on the phone or send emails. But He knew that I would need that physical contact before we would do anything sexual. Most of the time it would be a just because spanking. There were times that I would have a temper tantrum because it has been far too long. I can deal with not see my Sir for a couple of weeks but longer than that I act out. What I mean by act out is I will break a minor rule or I will tell him that I cursed someone out. When I know that He expects me to carry myself like a lady at all times even when someone causes me to get angry. 

There is an element of care and concern to spanking for me. To be over my Sir/Daddy’s knee is very personal. That is done in private.  If it is done in public as a scene I would have to be on a spanking  bench.  That way in my mind it keeps it from being personal. It will be a show of power exchange  not an invasion of our private time.

I know that some will read this and not understand what I mean but you must understand that I am a little was well a submissive. 

Thank you for reading this note from the mind of an Imp.

 

 

 

A Small Rant!!!!

This rant has nothing to do with kink. As of Thursday night I have been without an air conditioner. It is hot as HELL in Houston and I am without air. I have fans but it does not work. Yes, it is helping a little . But I had forgotten how it feels to be without that cold air blowing through the house. I hate being hot and sweaty. It is a bitch to try and sleep when all you feel is fucking hot. Done!!!

 

Just Thinking

I have been hearing a lot about trust and D/s. I do understand that you must work on trust in a D/s relationship. But for me it starts before the D/s. I would like my Sir to be my friend first. Maybe I am wrong, but if I am going to let you into my life, I will be sharing my body and my life with you. I will not go into a relationship built on a lie. I want to be sure that he knows who I am. He must understand that I am a mother and a friend then a submissive, little and a lover too. I need to know That if I tell you something it will stay with you, one of my biggest fears is that if  I tell you about my passed You will understand that all of those past painful events help turn me into woman that I am today.

The reason to sharing the good and bad parts of my life is to show where I have been and where I am going.  I know that some of the things that I have gone through will make it seem like I am a broken person that is in need of fixing. But that is not the complete truth. Many of the things that some would see as broken were fixed with time and a lot of talking.

I hope that my Sir will be able to understand that there will be triggered at one time or another. At times like that I will need to be held and reminded that I am loved and cared for. What some people do not understand that being told to just suck it up will make a person resentful. For me I will shut down. That is a sign for me to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. I have been in a relationship like that, I was not happy. I learned that for me to be happy I have to be able to speak freely.

I want you to understand that this is just my way of clearing my mind.  I know that I started this post speaking on trust. All of this is how to build trust with me. I know that someone is going to think that this is a normal desire.  But for me it is a real need.

Yes, it is just a thought that has been on my mind. I will hope that when I meet my Sir he will be a loving caring Daddy.

From the mind of a thoughtful Imp.

 

Vanilla Word Bullshit !!!

I know that I have been missing in action, but this time I have been stressed out, angry and having major migraines. I do understand that life will change and you have to change along with it.  Since July of last year I have been trying to find a new place to live. At first it was finding the neighborhood I wanted to live in. Then it was finding someone willing to work with the program that I was going through. Now it is the budget problems in washington d.c. . The program is on hold now, it may be 6 months to a full year before they are going to open up again. Within this time frame I will continue search but all of the things that I wanted to get for my new home I can get them and put them in my storage ,  a few of the things I will use in my apartment now.

So anything that had to do with my kinky little life was put on hold. When I would go to a play party my mind would be on what I would have to do in the week to come. With the new timeline I do not have to worry about running out of time or the person that I have give my packet to pulling out at the last minute. I just might be able to find that one person who will see the benefit of me living on their property. The thing that I would be looking at is the fact that I have been in my current residence for almost 19 years.  The sad part of the whole thing for me is that so many of the property owners have been in the program before or they have heard the bad stories from other owners. In those bad stories the renters have caused damage to the property. So when I come along asking about the property, all they see is another person on the program that might fuck up their property. So I end up paying for the mistakes that another person has made. I know that it is messed up, but that is the way of the world.

I do have hope that within the time frame that I have left something will come up.  But for now I am going to try to enjoy my kinky little life. Until the next post Lots of kinky HUGS and spankings.

 

The Changes In Perspective Over Time

First I must say that the idea for this blog came from a early morning note from a friend on another site. We were talking about how our perspective has changed over the years. I had not thought about that for a few months. I had a conversation with a young lady. She was asking about how hard it was to talk to boys about anything other than football, basketball, hip hop, weed and sex.  I told her that in time it may change but she would have to wait for his brain caught up with his body…lol

I thought that it was kind of funny for the subject to come up this week. It gave me something to think about.  When I was younger before I had kids the thoughts that ruled my mind was fun and games.  I wanted to do all of the things that were supposed to be fun. I went out to the clubs, did all of the drinking and flirting. I did the walk of shame..lol As well as the one night stands…lol  Fun times not!!

Then I had my kids. They became the center of my life. I made sure they were exposed to a lot of different things, for example the museum of fine arts, the natural science museum. During the summer I would take them to the car shows, festivals and pride parades.  I wanted my kids to understand that it is ok to like things that are different. I have been blessed to have friends from many walks of life. Now that they are grown I can see just how much it made a difference in their lives .

It did not occur to me that my perceptions would change again. In my early forties I was told that I had stage 4 breast cancer. At the time it scared the hell out of me but I had a very good reason to fight for my life. I wanted to be here to see my grandchildren grow up. I wanted to reach my 6oth birthday. With faith and great doctors   I was able to kick cancers ass and I made a promise to myself.  The promise that I made was to live my life for me not for anyone-else. While I was taking my chemo treatment I started reading about BDSM. I was so surprised to find out that most of the relationships that I was in were D/s relationships. I just did not know it.  Now that I am in my early 50s I am going to meetings and parties to be with people that are interested in the same thing. I have learned a lot about myself.

I learned that I was a submissive as well as a little…lol Their are other things as well. But I will go into that at another time. For right now I am very happy that I am still here to see and live with the changes in my perception. I am looking forward to enjoying the changes that will be coming in the future.

 

Missing In Action…lol

It has been a while since I have posted anything. I have been trying to find a new place to move to, it has been a real pain in my ass. But in the end it was a waste of time and health. I was on a housing program. It started in July, I had four people pull out because they did not like the amount of money they were going to get. So I am staying where I am. I was going to do a lot of changes as far as furniture and curtains and designs.

I am going to change my daughters room. She loves pink and butterflies. She is going to get a new bed with a new dresser. I have found some vinyl butterflies and pink rugs and curtains.

I am going to change my living room too. I have began to get rid of something. I want to be comfortable that means getting rid of an old bookcase as well as getting a new black sofa with a futon chair. The curtains will be dark blue with a white trim they will also be blackout curtains. The bath room will have touches of blue too.

I am going to find a way to make this apartment look more like home.

Once I get everything done I am going to try to post the finished project.

Here’s to a new beginning!!!!