This rant has nothing to do with kink. As of Thursday night I have been without an air conditioner. It is hot as HELL in Houston and I am without air. I have fans but it does not work. Yes, it is helping a little . But I had forgotten how it feels to be without that cold air blowing through the house. I hate being hot and sweaty. It is a bitch to try and sleep when all you feel is fucking hot. Done!!!
I have been hearing a lot about trust and D/s. I do understand that you must work on trust in a D/s relationship. But for me it starts before the D/s. I would like my Sir to be my friend first. Maybe I am wrong, but if I am going to let you into my life, I will be sharing my body and my life with you. I will not go into a relationship built on a lie. I want to be sure that he knows who I am. He must understand that I am a mother and a friend then a submissive, little and a lover too. I need to know That if I tell you something it will stay with you, one of my biggest fears is that if I tell you about my passed You will understand that all of those past painful events help turn me into woman that I am today.
The reason to sharing the good and bad parts of my life is to show where I have been and where I am going. I know that some of the things that I have gone through will make it seem like I am a broken person that is in need of fixing. But that is not the complete truth. Many of the things that some would see as broken were fixed with time and a lot of talking.
I hope that my Sir will be able to understand that there will be triggered at one time or another. At times like that I will need to be held and reminded that I am loved and cared for. What some people do not understand that being told to just suck it up will make a person resentful. For me I will shut down. That is a sign for me to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. I have been in a relationship like that, I was not happy. I learned that for me to be happy I have to be able to speak freely.
I want you to understand that this is just my way of clearing my mind. I know that I started this post speaking on trust. All of this is how to build trust with me. I know that someone is going to think that this is a normal desire. But for me it is a real need.
Yes, it is just a thought that has been on my mind. I will hope that when I meet my Sir he will be a loving caring Daddy.
From the mind of a thoughtful Imp.
I know that I have been missing in action, but this time I have been stressed out, angry and having major migraines. I do understand that life will change and you have to change along with it. Since July of last year I have been trying to find a new place to live. At first it was finding the neighborhood I wanted to live in. Then it was finding someone willing to work with the program that I was going through. Now it is the budget problems in washington d.c. . The program is on hold now, it may be 6 months to a full year before they are going to open up again. Within this time frame I will continue search but all of the things that I wanted to get for my new home I can get them and put them in my storage , a few of the things I will use in my apartment now.
So anything that had to do with my kinky little life was put on hold. When I would go to a play party my mind would be on what I would have to do in the week to come. With the new timeline I do not have to worry about running out of time or the person that I have give my packet to pulling out at the last minute. I just might be able to find that one person who will see the benefit of me living on their property. The thing that I would be looking at is the fact that I have been in my current residence for almost 19 years. The sad part of the whole thing for me is that so many of the property owners have been in the program before or they have heard the bad stories from other owners. In those bad stories the renters have caused damage to the property. So when I come along asking about the property, all they see is another person on the program that might fuck up their property. So I end up paying for the mistakes that another person has made. I know that it is messed up, but that is the way of the world.
I do have hope that within the time frame that I have left something will come up. But for now I am going to try to enjoy my kinky little life. Until the next post Lots of kinky HUGS and spankings.
First I must say that the idea for this blog came from a early morning note from a friend on another site. We were talking about how our perspective has changed over the years. I had not thought about that for a few months. I had a conversation with a young lady. She was asking about how hard it was to talk to boys about anything other than football, basketball, hip hop, weed and sex. I told her that in time it may change but she would have to wait for his brain caught up with his body…lol
I thought that it was kind of funny for the subject to come up this week. It gave me something to think about. When I was younger before I had kids the thoughts that ruled my mind was fun and games. I wanted to do all of the things that were supposed to be fun. I went out to the clubs, did all of the drinking and flirting. I did the walk of shame..lol As well as the one night stands…lol Fun times not!!
Then I had my kids. They became the center of my life. I made sure they were exposed to a lot of different things, for example the museum of fine arts, the natural science museum. During the summer I would take them to the car shows, festivals and pride parades. I wanted my kids to understand that it is ok to like things that are different. I have been blessed to have friends from many walks of life. Now that they are grown I can see just how much it made a difference in their lives .
It did not occur to me that my perceptions would change again. In my early forties I was told that I had stage 4 breast cancer. At the time it scared the hell out of me but I had a very good reason to fight for my life. I wanted to be here to see my grandchildren grow up. I wanted to reach my 6oth birthday. With faith and great doctors I was able to kick cancers ass and I made a promise to myself. The promise that I made was to live my life for me not for anyone-else. While I was taking my chemo treatment I started reading about BDSM. I was so surprised to find out that most of the relationships that I was in were D/s relationships. I just did not know it. Now that I am in my early 50s I am going to meetings and parties to be with people that are interested in the same thing. I have learned a lot about myself.
I learned that I was a submissive as well as a little…lol Their are other things as well. But I will go into that at another time. For right now I am very happy that I am still here to see and live with the changes in my perception. I am looking forward to enjoying the changes that will be coming in the future.
It has been a while since I have posted anything. I have been trying to find a new place to move to, it has been a real pain in my ass. But in the end it was a waste of time and health. I was on a housing program. It started in July, I had four people pull out because they did not like the amount of money they were going to get. So I am staying where I am. I was going to do a lot of changes as far as furniture and curtains and designs.
I am going to change my daughters room. She loves pink and butterflies. She is going to get a new bed with a new dresser. I have found some vinyl butterflies and pink rugs and curtains.
I am going to change my living room too. I have began to get rid of something. I want to be comfortable that means getting rid of an old bookcase as well as getting a new black sofa with a futon chair. The curtains will be dark blue with a white trim they will also be blackout curtains. The bath room will have touches of blue too.
I am going to find a way to make this apartment look more like home.
Once I get everything done I am going to try to post the finished project.
Here’s to a new beginning!!!!
Before I start I would like to Thank “daddy’s babygirl 69” for reminding me of something that means so much to me. THANK YOU babygirl69!!!!!!! Hugs!!
About a year and half ago I met a very sweet man that was in a very traditional arranged marriage with all of the responsibility of taking care of his family being the oldest son and his wife’s family if there is no elder son. We sat and talked about our vanilla lives . He was surprised that I understood just how important it was for him. As we talk he came to learn just how important my vanilla life is to me.
After we finished talking about our vanilla lives then we started talking about the real reason that we were getting to know each other. It was for one particular kinky thing that we had in common that I want to explore, I told him I had seen a demo of fisting and he had experience in. So we came to an agreement that we would meet twice a week close to my home. Once I was in the room I would do my safe call so my best friend would have the room information and once he was there I would do the second call where he would speak to my friend. Then would come the greeting which would be a kiss on the forehead from him and a hug from me. The rest of the time was spent enjoying our time together which included me have as many orgamas as he could give me and as many as I could give him….lol
On the very first day he kissed me on my forehead when he arrived and right before he left. The second time we met I asked him why he did that and I was told to look it up. After I got home an I sent my text letting him know that I was home safely. I went straight to my computer and started my research. I have always done that to my kids as they got older and now they do it to me. With my kids it was to show them that I loved them and I did it so they would not be embarrassed in front their friends at school or on the porch. But a kiss on the forehead from him had a different meaning.
I showed him this on my phone and he smiled . He told me that this would apply to our agreed upon arrangement. For as long as we are seeing each other.
Now that we have gone back to our vanilla lives, I do miss his scent and his touch but most of all I miss the kiss on my forehead.
I have been reading his book the “Little Book of BDSM Quotes” . It has a lot of interesting quotes in it some of them apply, some of them do not. For the ones that do not I keep on going . For the one that do I will think about then write down what I have come up with. I will not quote him verbatim but his quotes will be the food for some thought. I hope that those of you that are following me will continue do so. I will still write whatever crosses my little mind and heart. I know that this is going to be a short note but I thought I should say thank you to those that add to the inspiration for my train of thought. Some will be other bloggers, some will be friends, or leaders of local groups that talk about topics in our munches. Or when I go to play parties and see something that catches my eye.
To All of You That Have been Following Me, I would like to say THANK YOU!!!!
Yes, I was shouting…gigglesnort. I do hope that you will continue to follow me. Hugs and smile until my next post.